Camping

I would truly be remiss in my duty of chronicling my family's weirdness if I left out camping.  This was basically our entire summer vacation.  That and driving two hours to visit the only other family that could stand us for more than a day at a time.  Every weekend, while my friends were off at space camp, we would pack up the pickup and go camping.  This is because camping (with my family) is inexpensive and because if he could figure out how to do it, my dad would camp on a permanent basis.  Usually we would go to the mountains, but a fair number of times we camped in the desert.  My mom almost never went.  I assumed this was because she hated camping  but I now suspect that she enjoyed having the house to herself for the weekend.  When she did go, what I remember most is the drive up.  Mountain roads = certain death in my mom's mind.  Whenever we'd go around a corner, she brace herself, slam her foot against an imaginary brake and go, "jim, jim, jim, jim, JIM!" in a frantic crescendo. 

Here are a few necessities for camping in my family:
1.  Desert juice: my dad's own recipe for optimal outdoors hydration.  It's basically super dilute frozen oj with some mashed up bananas, if you're lucky.  I hate bananas.
2.  Shovel:  For digging the toilet.  Yeah, it was that kind of camping.  I'm a real expert at not peeing on my legs whilst squatting.  Also the shovel handle doubles as a toilet paper holder.  If Dad happened to remember to pack some. 
3.  Tent:  This was an old canvas army tent that took an engineering degree (or the patience of a giant tortoise) to erect successfully.
4.  Pocket knife:  For whittling our cooking sticks.  We all made our own.  No fancy premade marshmallow sticks for us.
5.  Kerosene lantern:  Any extra fire hazard is a fantastic idea.
Some memorable experiences include: fashioning caveman style clothes out of some curtains we found in an abandoned camper trailer.  Collecting cans on our hikes to turn in for cash later.  Skinny dipping in what was basically a giant mud puddle.  Applying my sister's sunscreen in polka dots because I was mad at her.  And Learning the hard way what poison ivy and stinging nettle look like.
A camping trip was not complete unless we caught a small animal.  Usually a snake.  We subsisted on a diet of hot dogs and marshmallows.  My dad would tell us bear stories from when he was a kid (I'm not sure if this is related, but I have sincere arcotophobia.  I have nightmares about bears, and when I'm out riding my bike in Durango I'm always worried one will come out of the woods and chase me down)

 We always had to check for ticks.  We never found any.


 



But there is a lot of good stuff I learned while camping too. 
1. Leave it as clean as you found it, or cleaner.  This was our cardinal camping rule.
2. I know by sight lots of edible plants.  Thanks dad, that has come in handy so often.  I'm going to be the girl version of Darryl when the zombie apocalypse hits.
3.  I can start a fire with batteries, flint and steel and a magnifying glass.  Another skill I have never used once. 
4.  You can get $155/ton of aluminum cans.
5.  An actual ton is A LOT of aluminum cans.
6.  The Wooly Lamb's Ear plant is supposedly a cure for poison ivy, also it is edible, so if you're starving and just got tangled up in poison ivy and you happen upon some wooly lamb's ear, it's your lucky day.
7.  Always apply sunscreen to your behind.
8.  Wild animals are NOT as afraid of me as I am of them.
9.  Always check your sleeping bag.  There's a good bet your brother put that garter snake he caught in yours.
My family still enjoys camping.  We met up a few weeks ago to camp.  It was great to watch my dad try to teach my kids the Rule of the Mountain and get them to eat lamb's ear.  My sister brought her cat. 

Why not?