Exhibit N: Christmas

As I’m sure you can imagine, Christmas at our house was never what one would expect.  I’ll start with Santa.  I always knew Santa was made up.  Not because I’m a super genius who rapidly deduced that the story of Santa defied the laws of biology and physics.  Because my parents straight up told me.  Why?  Because, Santa brings lots of presents to good girls and boys, right?  Well, when you have next to nothing and Santa shows up with a few homemade candies and a dress your mom made for you, this creates some problems.  One, you think you haven’t been very good.  Two, your mom doesn’t get credit for all her hard work.  Three, you're basically putting on an elaborate deception for your kids.  My parent’s solution was to let each of us pretend to be Santa.  The year it was our turn, we got to shop with mom for each of our siblings.  Then, we stayed up all night Christmas Eve, making gooey, poorly wrapped caramels, wrapping presents and stuffing stockings.  At least one stocking per year was just a melted mess of caramel and fudge.  Our candy making skills needed some fine tuning.  Still, being Santa is one of my favorite childhood memories.



Pooker being Santa

                Next, I’ll discuss the weird gifts we give.  Typically we got one gift a year, from our parents, then we would make or buy one for each of the siblings (if purchased, more often than not, these came from quarter vending machines at the grocery store).  Let me start with where they purchased most of these gifts.  The pawn shop.  Gifts I have received from a pawn shop: a set of sterling silverware in a heart-shaped box (age 11), a ring, a VCR, an antique side table (age 8), a puzzle.  Some gifts my siblings received from a pawn shop: Pooker (tent), Nana (porcelain doll), Beadle (butterfly knife (age 12)) Sneet (TV) John (laptop).  Other gifts of note I have received: an atlas, a dictionary, homemade moccasins, homemade candles and a thesaurus.  Funniest gifts I have seen given: wax (to Pooker), crocheted boxer shorts (to Beadle’s boyfriend), shampoo (to my mom) a weed whacker (to Nana), leather working kit (to Nana) and a seed warmer (again, to Nana).  Our gifts are often, homemade, secondhand and more a necessity than luxury.  I would, however, be remiss if I didn’t mention the time I got something new.  When I was six, I desperately wanted a Cabbage Patch doll.  The whole world wanted one. My grammy tried to make me one, but it just wasn’t the same.  I couldn't ask for it because they were expensive.  I don't know how she did it, but my mom figured it out.  That year, she fought through the Christmas crowds and managed to snag one of the very last Cabbage Patch dolls.  She forked over $25 for it, which was more than she spent on all the other kid’s gifts combined.  I loved that doll. 

                How we wrap.  If our gifts were unusual, our wrapping was worse.  We were constantly trying to wrap our present in a manner that left the recipient puzzled as to what the contents were.  The pawn shop ring was stuck inside a fig newton and wrapped up.  I was led on a treasure hunt for the side table.  The thesaurus was placed inside a 3’x3’ box filled with packing peanuts.  Imagine my surprise.  The puzzle was in 23 separate layers of newspaper.  The weed whacker was meticulously wrapped in the exact shape of a weed whacker. 

                Our tree for many years was just a potted plant in the living room.  If we bought a tree, it was usually on the 23rd, because that's when they go on sale.  Sometimes we cut our own tree.  We usually were woefully bad at guessing the size that our living room could accommodate. 

                If you have ever had to do Christmas for 8 kids on less than $100, then you know what I am talking about.  But, let me be clear, I loved Christmas.  Despite all the lumpy packages under the tree, despite peeling caramel off my candy canes, despite the fact that nothing was new, bright or shiny.  What I remember most is sleeping under the Christmas tree, carefully crafting paper doll dresses for my sisters, playing games together, and singing together.  What I remember most is love.  And isn’t that what Christmas is all about? 



Nana with a homemade Christmas hat

Christmas.  I am the baby my mom's shirt is talking about.

Me being Santa